Blissful and harmonious – these are common words that come to mind when describing happy and meaningful relationships. And if you want to keep and maintain a strong bond with someone, you oftentimes go out of your way to avoid conflicts as much as possible. Still, finding a couple who manages to stay together for a long time without finding anything to argue about sounds like something from a fantasy world. In reality, many struggle to come to terms with the people who are closest to them.
Can fights in a relationship be healthy?
Fights and misunderstandings are a normal part of a relationship. It is probably more alarming if you and your partner do not have anything to disagree about. An online survey even revealed that arguing increases a couple’s chance to be happy by 10 times. Having arguments can be a sign of a healthy and mature relationship because it is a way for couples to work out their differences. You do not have to change your ways to avoid conflicts or agree to everything your partner wants just to avoid trouble. By arguing, couples communicate their wants and together they figure out ways to resolve it. If done the right way, conflicts are like bridges that couples cross to further strengthen their union. Even so, not every couple knows how to properly deal with disagreements. Oftentimes the frequency and intensity of quarrels can quickly tear down the foundation of even the strongest relationships.
Broken relationships are always sad and the tragedy is worsened if you think simple and little changes could have been done to save it. One way to protect and nurture your relationship is by changing your attitude and approach towards conflicts. So are you always at odds with your partner? Find ways to turn that to your advantage with the following tips.
Be a better listener.
When issues arise in a relationship, it is so tempting to start trying to air your side. Now, if both partners resort to giving their piece of mind at once, no issue is likely to be resolved. In a healthy discussion, you have time to express your mind but also have open ears for your partner. Give your partner time to explain and listen without judgment. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes and try to be more understanding.
Ditch the blame game.
To pin a mistake on someone else is the easy and immature way of dealing with conflicts. Especially since most of the time you cannot attribute a mistake to only one person. Even if someone is really at fault they do not want to hear it over and over. Blaming others can just lead to contempt. So instead of pointing out the wrongs of someone else, look at the issue constructively as you both think of ways on how to avoid it next time.
Control your emotions.
If you are upset, you are likely to do things that you will regret later. Do your best not to let emotions like anger or bitterness get the better of you. It does not mean that you have to suppress your emotions. You have the right to acknowledge what you feel but you can manage the way you react to it. This is something that is easier said than done but if you truly want to protect your relationships, you need to exert real effort to be a master of your emotions. This is, after all, a trait that you can use in all aspects of your life. In times when controlling emotions seems impossible, it is better to take some time off before talking to your partner.
Do not sweat the small stuff.
Not every issue is worth an argument. You may discover your partner’s annoying habits but if it is not something that creates big trouble, it is probably better to just be patient about it. Besides, creating relationship is also learning to accept some things about your partner. Be patient and learn to pick your battles as not everything is worth your time or attention.
The relationships we have makes life worth living. It is important to consciously take steps to nurture the relationships we have which includes finding ways to cope with conflicts and issues.